Silence Is NOT Golden

During a lunch break last week, a co worker and I were discussing how hard it is to keep the silent treatment going.  That got me thinking - why is it so hard to do it with some people and really easy for others?  Why can't adults keep it up for days, but I've seen youth teams go stretches of games where the only person talking is the coach.  Well, after a few days of thinking about it - I may have an answer. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, it essentially comes down to this: How much do you care about the other person?

Since I love when I can piggy back on my own stuff, we'll start there first.  When you are committed to someone or something, you want to see it succeed.  Very rarely can two or more people succeed at anything consistently without some form of communication.  Think about your personal relationships.  How many of the ones you care to maintain would last if neither of you said a word to each other.  How much would you get done?  How frustrated would you be?  How hard would it be to keep it going and not say something?  I challenge you to try it.  See how long it lasts, especially my married readers.  Silence just makes it considerably harder to be successful, even on the hardwood.  On the occasions that I've participated with my players in drills, it's weird that just me talking to them letting them know what's going on, who is doing what makes things more fluid.  It takes so much more work or me to be in these drills and say nothing, and I think that's just because I'm committed to the concept I'm trying to get across and committed to my players.

Lencioni's Five Dysfunctions

If you do any reading of business books, you should look into Patrick Lencioni's The Five Dysfunctions of a Team.  With no communication happening, you are nothing but dysfunctional.  You obviously aren't paying attention to results - if you win, you cheer and celebrate.  You lose, and you want to try to figure out what happened.  Everyone is avoiding accountability - no one is apologizing for blowing the coverage or holding people accountable for defensive assignments.  But maybe that's just the fear of conflict rearing it's head because your teammates don't trust that you really want them to get better and are trying to help you.  (Already touched on commitment, so didn't need to rehash it...)  Unless you are a rare exception, your dysfunctional team will get exposed, dominated, and beaten.  

There's a reason trust and conflict are at the bottom - they are the keys to avoiding those embarrassing moments and going home feeling like a complete loser.  But you have to talk.  You can't build trust, without talking.  Talk about school, what you did over the weekend, whatever.  Remind your teammates that you are human.  Show them you care to get to know their off-the-court side. You need that trust so when it "gets real" (and it should) everyone can walk out of the gym and still be friends and willing to work together.  Healthy conflict never hurt anyone - it will make you stronger.  Coaches won't see everything, and sometime players tune you out.  But you usually don't tune out your good friends, even when they are telling you to stop letting that guy box you out or to stop being afraid of defending a player, and that's why teammates sometimes need to step up and tell each other to get it together.  There's a right and wrong way to do it obviously, but it's absolutely necessary.

Of course, if you read the book, you'll see that there's more to the pyramid than being able to communicate, but communication is a very big part of it.  Historically, dysfunctional teams, whether its in the workplace, the home, or basketball court, will eventually fail and its usually epic. It's okay to laugh, cry, cheer, criticize (constructively) - it all lends itself to success, which is what we all want.  Don't give your teammates the silent treatment.  And as an added bonus, practice is more productive and fun, and hopefully you'll get a few good ticks in the win column.